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<title>drifting (and the way home is lost) by shutupsolace</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27443605">drifting (and the way home is lost)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/shutupsolace/pseuds/shutupsolace'>shutupsolace</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood &amp; Manga</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>ARE YOU HAPPY NOW, Gen, Short One Shot, greed (mentioned) - Freeform, ling yao deserves a nap, this is me officially converting to the ling appreciation fan club</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-09 03:55:05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>555</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27443605</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/shutupsolace/pseuds/shutupsolace</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Ling Yao’s inner narrative as he struggles with the introduction of the philosopher’s stone to his body.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>drifting (and the way home is lost)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Everything hurts. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He can’t remember how long it’s been. Maybe hours. Maybe months. Maybe decades. All around him is red. Stretched, anguished faces swarming around him, rushing past. Greed is talking, a mocking tone carrying across the mass, but he can’t make out what he’s saying. He knows he should keep fighting, knows he needs to keep trying to take control but. He’s just so tired. He’s so </span>
  <em>
    <span>tired</span>
  </em>
  <span>, and scared, and everything is dark and the souls are oppressive and he </span>
  <em>
    <span>can’t breathe-</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ling reminds himself of his clan. His family. The people he swore to protect. If he can get through this, if he can get the philosopher's stone, he can become the emperor. Protect his people. Stop the seemingly unending bloodshed. He takes a steadying breath. He has a duty. He has to do this. He </span>
  <em>
    <span>has</span>
  </em>
  <span> to. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Soon, the Emperor will pass. If he wants to make a change, then he needs to be stronger. Take control. Get the stone back to the Emperor. Ascend the throne. Protect his people. He runs through the mental checklist again. Take control, stone, emperor, protect. There are so many people relying on him, not just in his clan. Distantly, he can hear Ed yelling. Something obscene, he half hopes. He adds Ed to the list of people he needs to get back to. Ed, his teacher, the girl who brought him fresh blankets after a nightmare sweated its way through his bedding, the merchants in the square who treated him like any other young teenager, his mother (although they were never close, he feels he owes her this much), so many others in his clan, Fu, Lan Fan- </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>God. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Lan Fan. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>How could he forget? Lan Fan is waiting for him. Expecting him to return, surely, any minute now, with a philosopher's stone and a way to get home. He can’t disappoint her, not after she gave up an arm for him, after she nearly </span>
  <em>
    <span>died </span>
  </em>
  <span>for him. The souls seem to swirl around him faster. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He has to get back to her, after everything she did for him, everything she has done, he can’t just let that go, he has to get back- </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But. But. This is hard. This is </span>
  <em>
    <span>hard</span>
  </em>
  <span> and he’s so scared, and so </span>
  <em>
    <span>tired</span>
  </em>
  <span>, god so tired. Ling knows he needs to fight back, knows he needs to keep going, but Greed just keeps taunting him and the souls just keep swirling faster, creating a whirlwind of haunting red faces. His breaths come out shorter and the ringing in his head is getting louder and everything is just </span>
  <em>
    <span>so much</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>If he could just let go, just for a second. Ling wants nothing more than to just drift away, fall deeply into sleep and let Greed take complete control. Let someone else handle things, deal with his problems. He’s fifteen for the Emperor’s sake. It’s not fair. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s not </span>
  <em>
    <span>fair</span>
  </em>
  <span>. He doesn’t want the whole world on his shoulders, doesn’t want the responsibility of his clan’s safety, but who else would do it? He’s their only option. And he just wants to sleep. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Something warm and wet slides down his face. Greed’s mocking quietly fades into the background as the buzzing in his head reaches a crescendo. Ling closes his eyes, pulling his arms close around him, and drifts. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>ling yao is a little baby who deserves naps and juice boxes. someone please come collect your child.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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